Sweet At The Center


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Tie: It has 300% more sugar than the leading competitor.
Guy: What does it taste like?
Tie: It tastes like diabetes. 

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Categorizing Christmas songs for all seasons.

posted by : Jon Kroupa on 10/09/2015

Sometimes you want to listen to "Christmas" music, but your friends and family won't let you, because they hate the idea of spending peace on earth and good will to men outside a narrow timetable of 25-30 days a year.

Maybe they don't like the commericalization of Christmas. Not sure why, no one is making them buy anything, and they sure don't have to pay to listen to songs on the radio. Christmas is what you make of it. If you make it about presents and things, that is what it will become. If you make it about celebrating family, friends, hope for a brighter future, or something else, that is what Christmas is.

So here are some ways to convince these people whose hearts are as small as the Grinch's and are as black as the coal they should get in their stockings that so called "Christmas" songs aren't just for the month leading up to December 25th.


If the people heckling you are Christians, then ask them why they hate to hear songs about Jesus? Are they the kind of Christians who only think about Christ 1 month a year?

Assuming you can appeal to their shame of hating the baby Jesus, this opens up a lot of songs you can listen to year round.

The list is too long to include them all, but here are a few

  • The First Noel
  • Away in a Manager
  • Silent Night
  • Hark, the Herald Angels Sing
  • O Come O Come Emmanuel
  • O Holy Night

Message of Peace

"Do you support peace? Then surely you support the listening to of songs that promote that message right? Right!?" - Just an example of how to manipulate the conversation in order to insure your viewpoint wins the day.

  • Far, Far Away on Judea's Plains
  • It Came Upon The Midnight Clear
  • Do You Hear What I Hear?
  • I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day - It might mention hearing music on a particular day, but the message is clear.

Songs about the weather or season or travel

Surely no one can object to songs about the weather, or a particular season right? I'm just listening to a weather report from the 1800s, it has nothing to do with any particular holiday.

  • Winter Wonderland - Just a song about the snowy season (depending on climate).
  • Sleigh Ride - Nothing more than a country drive in a sleigh.
  • Jingle Bells - Originally a Thanksgiving song, it makes no mention of holidays, just the jingling bells on a decked out horse drawn sleigh.
  • Let it Snow - A song about cuddling up with a loved one while beautiful snow blankets the ground outside.
  • It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year - This song makes mention of a number of activities that may be enjoyed throughout the year. Sure it mentions past Christmases, but it also mentions ghost stories. Perfect for the month of October (ignoring Victorian tradition of telling ghost stories at Christmas).

Magical Beings

So what is the deal with hating songs about magical beings and their happenings during the cold season?

  • Frosty the Snowman - "Although it is generally regarded as a Christmas song, the lyrics make no mention of the holiday." wiki
  • Santa Claus (all songs) - A guy who sneaks into your house under the cover of darkness and bestows children with treats and presents. Kind of like the Tooth Fairy, or the Easter Bunny. Do you object to songs about these creatures too (assuming they exist)?
  • Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer - Really just a song about a mutant reindeer who is rejected by the herd for his evolutionary ability to see in complete blizzards, which proves valuable later. I guess if you hate accepting people different from you, you hate Rudolph as well.

Romantic / Lonely

Hey, the days are getting shorter, you're all alone. All you want to do is sit in your sad hovel of a home listening to romantic songs and eating a block of cheese. Am I right? So why can't you just leave me to my sad songs of loneliness and wishful thinking?

  • All I want for Christmas is you
  • Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)
  • Christmas Eve
  • I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm
  • Christmas Is the Time to Say I Love You

Morally Bankrupt

Maybe your friends/family have no soul. They hate Christmas, peace on earth, weather, are antisocial, and atheists. Well, we still might be able to appeal to them.

  • Baby, It's Cold Outside is a classic song about date rape.
  • Santa Baby - A terrified woman attempts to save her life by seducing a burglar who has gained access to her home via a hopelessly outdated and oversized chimney.

Hopefully there is a "Christmas" song out there for you that can be accepted by those around you even if it isn't the day after Thanksgiving yet.

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